when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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