Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
