Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
