i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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