Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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