my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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