I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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