Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
