Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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