Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
