who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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