I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
