bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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