summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
