they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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