My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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