About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
