she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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