I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
