Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
jump out the window naked night went bad
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
