I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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