Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
