Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
