there was a trapeze. enough said
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
