Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
