dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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