I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
