we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
