He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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