with your own penis?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
