I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
