One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
