the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
birth control should be required to get into college
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
