ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
