I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we're making bets on your personal life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
