he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
