Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
