i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
