And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
