I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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