The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
