when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
