i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
