This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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