Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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