Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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