Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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