just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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