We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
