Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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