you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
