How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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