so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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